Things you need, 1.

When these little bundles of joy arrive, they seem to fit in the gap that you never knew was there. There is a little reason for your existence, somebody who depends on you 100%, looks up to you, overlooks your imperfections and needs you in their life no matter what. Amazing! I'll be looking back on those days in wonder and awe, once mine grow away from me and find me ultimately embarrasing and lacking the understanding that they feel they need!
Somebody described motherhood to me once, as 'the thing that was missing'. And people strive for years to get ready, prepare, save, plan, and conceive these little people- then the ultimate reward.
So what happens when all that preparation is over, the bundles are here, and you find yourself being a full time mum, whose day revolves around school runs, washing uniform, scraping weetabix off of the carpet and managing tantrums? Well it still has its own positives, as we know!... but it is at this point that we realise we don't know who we are, outside of being the parent.

We start to miss things, and need things, in order to be strong, and to find happiness with what we have. One thing that we need, and this is especially important to me as a single mum, is an identity. This fascinates me! What happens to us? And are we ok with it?
Beneath the apron and the washing-up gloves lurks a girl who once had a social life, interests of her own, things that she used to look forward to doing, and a routine that existed before the little ones. There used to be things to talk about, outside of the topics of weaning and the fact that Woolworths is missed for its great children's winter coats. There were nights out, and photos of people having fun, and books- actual books that might have had grown-up stories in them! There could have been crafting in the evening, or keeping up with phonecalls and letter-writing, and short-notice holidays. So why doesn't she do these things? Varied reasons: cost, time, confidence, or perhaps her priorites are in a different order, seemingly unalterable.

A single mum, who perhaps didn't leave the children's father as the happiest and bravest of creatures, may need this moreso, because there isn't that extra person to chat to in the evenings, the other one to contribute to the ironing so that you could have a guilt-free tv night. There won't be his work-dos to go to, the extra family to see and the bit of extra income that meant time away was easier.

The topic of 'what we need' was the main thing discussed at my course on Wednesday. How hard for those who don't feel they need anything, because they have their little ones. And how hard for those who realise their identity is a big consideration, but don't have a clue how to go about finding it again.

Its just too darn easy, and satisfying, when 'looking for yourself' is the most utterly frustrating task, to wrap yourself up with the little people, and retreat to the ultimate satisfaction of being an interdependant unit!


xxx

This is the Place

Welcome to my new shiny blog, specifically set-up to record the Mummy-stuff. The single parent thing is a steep learning curve, but one that I am grateful for- its making me into a better person all the time, and I'm trying my best to be... you know... good at it.

My other blog has been with me for a year, and its been great. I'll carry on with it I think, and leave the day trip, links, music and crafty things in there, but this is now the new home for my thought bubbles as a lone parent because they were getting bigger than the other components of the blog. That way, if I have a heavy week, full of solicitor appointments, unpleasant emails and disrupted sleep in the Little People quarters, I can put my efforts to positive things over at We Are Here, and not feel that my sad face is going to interfere with my enjoyment of writing, sharing and reading others blogs, because those things won't need mentioning. But I'll have the option of turning here to make diary entries. And Singlesville will be full of practical and positive things too- archiving my little forays into the unknown places that this situation so reguarly takes me!


xxx